#8.
At the mere age of 19, to be asked what type of person one is seems like an easy task but, in actuality, it is quite daunting. Many teenagers would like to think that they are the only people in the world who know everything (I used to be one of those people, no jokes). It wasn’t until I was 16 that I realized I don’t know everything — in fact, I’ve barely even seen the world.
My family went through a trying time from my sophomore year of high school till the end of the 2015 year. I won’t get into the gritty details of it but we not only lost the business that my father had built from the ground up fifteen years ago, but both my parents went through a stage of depression making the household at home very tense and, simply put, sad.
As a result, I had to grow up really fast during high school the last 3 years of my high school career — I stopped going to social gatherings; I’d go to school and come home straight because everyday yielded new obstacles and worries; any time arguments would ensue between my parents, I’d have to drop everything and make sure they don’t effectively “lose” it.
As the oldest and only girl in the family, I already had this sense of responsibility that literally dictated both my school and home life. Since both my parents had their own problems to deal with, I had to take responsibility for my school life and make sure all my credits were complete along with my duties to extracurricular clubs were fulfilled. At home, I had to make sure that both my brothers did their work and my parents were o.k., especially my dad. I didn’t have much of a social life in high school that didn’t include anything to do with actual school. It got to the point where my group of friends stopped inviting me to go out with them because I had refused so many times before.
I learned much during those 3 years — though, remember, I’ve still got a lot to experience. One of the most important concepts anyone could understand is the concept of Time. I know it’s pretty cliché to say, but Time really does heal everything. With time, what once seemed so phenomenally horrific is now just a distant memory — something that occurred in the past has shaped me in such a momentous yet subtle method.
The second thing I learned was the aspect of Fate. There is this Hindi saying in my culture that I have learned to live by which intertwines with Fate; roughly translated, “if one door closes, ten doors open for you.” In other words, Fate decides that it is Time for some aspect of your life to end and it will close one chapter of your life and allow you to choose the next chapter of your life. During a time of hopelessness and constant stress and worry, it felt very nice to find some peace and solace in such a simple saying.
I didn’t realize it until now, but this saying has helped shaped my identity today. It has helped me in my daily life, my social life, and my romantic life. It has made me an even more responsible person (if that’s possible) yet has allowed me to realize that some things are just not in my control and I should learn to relax once in a while.
At the age of 19, I’m not sure how exactly my personal identity is mapped onto the world yet but I wish to change someones life in the near-distant future with kindness and compassion and allow them to not necessarily “find” themselves, but to understand themselves in a more accurate manner.
humanisticmusings 