Hi! Out of my essay, I feel like my introduction could use a little/a lot of work. My introductions (and conclusions) are usually my weakest points in an essay and any feedback would be great, thanks!
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How do you define a hero? It was an irritating question William Ward Mayhugh longed to answer. Born on August 8th, 1927, William—who goes by Bill—enlisted in the Navy at the mere age of fifteen. His father had died in a tragic accident a few years prior and, as the only child, his mother looked to him for support. Bill was sent to boot camp in San Diego for three weeks and described it as a continuous period of marching with a few pit-stops along the way to learn to shoot a rifle. Bill found this quite boring and tedious. Is this all a hero does? Marching and chanting? No, Bill decided, there must be more.
humanisticmusings 
Hi Ayesha,
Wow your story is going in an interesting direction. There’s so much information and detail already packed into one paragraph! I think the way your plot and story is going is great and I loved the way you wrote it but maybe you could introduce the interview situation as in the imagery of the interview itself or even more of an introduction of William. Otherwise, I can’t wait to read the rest of your paper!
Kind Regards,
Vina Luu
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Hey Ayesha!
I liked how you opened up your introduction. I feel like for an introduction paragraph, it seems a little heavy. However, I think I know where you’re going with it. I’m assuming that you’ll continue with on how boot camp affected him. You did a good job establishing the main characters and concerns of the story. I also liked the transition to the upcoming paragraph.
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